born.in.japan

Worst Vomit Ever

Yesterday was a bad day. Yesterday was a really bad day.

To start it all off, I had to go to work on Saturday. Not really my idea of a good time. Despite my headache and nausea, I had a really busy day and had a lot to do before I could go home. I didn’t have time to dwell on my discomfort, which is sometimes a good thing.

By the time I was leaving, my headache was huge and my stomach was pretty unstable. I was hoping that everything would be better once I got home and had a little nap, problem was I had to get home first.

My real trouble started when I went to my shoe locker. In Japanese schools you have to change shoes inside. So, each person has a little shoe locker where they store their outside shoes during the day. When I got to work in the morning it was raining pretty hard, so I stashed my wet sandals into my locker and didn’t give it another thought.

When I went to retrieve my shoes at the end of the day, the smell that greeted me was foul. Foul enough to turn my already-sensitive stomach and send me running to the toilet. Unfortunately, I was able to accomplish little more than a few minutes of dry-heaving, so I decided to try going home.

I waited at the bus stop and, thankfully, one showed up mere minutes later. A total god-send. I scored the seat in the front next to the driver and spent the entire ride looking out the window, with a plastic bag in my hand (just in case), trying to keep myself together. The ride was swift and I made it to the train station in a little under 20 minutes, but I knew that as soon as I stepped off the bus my troubles were far from over.

My stomach started burbling and gurgling and I found myself running to the nearest bathroom. Now, train station bathrooms are notoriously foul, but I really couldn’t afford to be choosy at this point. When I got to the restroom I was greeted by a line-up of other women, none of them looking nearly as urgent as myself. I didn’t have the strength or energy to use my Japanese to communicate my problem so I waited, my plastic bag in hand, for one of the two stalls to open up. 

Finally one opened and I ran right in. It is a heavily used public toilet in the largest train station in our city. It only has two stalls and both of the stalls have Japanese-style toilets (squatty potties). The area around the toilet is the “splatter zone” and it is covered with urine from women that have had less than stellar aim. On the very best day, this toilet is enough to make your stomach churn. On a day like mine, it was precisely the catalyst I needed to really get things moving. I spent ten minutes in that stall, trying to rid my body of whatever it felt that it didn’t want inside. I puked and squatted, my legs growing tired. I tried standing and puking, but found that it was a bit difficult to control. Finally, with sweat dripping from my face and tears streaming down, I did the unthinkable. I knelt right down on the absolutely disgusting floor to finish what I had started.

All the while I was in the stall, women came and went in the other one. I couldn’t muffle my sound and it was obvious what was going on. When I finally finished and left the stall, the line was about twice what it was when I had walked in. I kept my head down, avoiding eye contact, as I made my way to the sink. I felt disgusting and humiliated. I got on the train and went home where I recounted my tale to my husband. If, throughout my pregnancy (and possibly life), yesterday continues to hold the title of “Worst Vomit Ever” I will be an incredibly thankful woman.

One For The Baby

I had to officially announce my pregnancy at work this week. Here in Japan a pregnant woman must inform the government of her pregnancy and receive the official Mother’s Handbook. Once the government knows, it makes sense to tell employers shortly thereafter. Additionally, Japanese women rarely wait until the end of the first trimester to tell people. There isn’t as much fear about miscarriage and, if it happens, there are support and coping mechanisms in place to insure that the woman and her family can properly grieve their loss. I actually like the lack of secrecy here, although I find it strange that most people here know we are pregnant when most of our family and friends at home don’t know.

Anyways, once I announced my pregnancy to my supervisor and principal, the news travelled like wildfire. The reaction has been completely positive, and it has really been so much fun sharing the news. Everyone seems genuinely happy and excited for us.

Just yesterday another teacher was walking around the office with a tupperware filled with sliced pears. She came and offered me one and then continued walking around the staff room and offering a slice to everyone who was there. Once she had finished giving everyone a chance at the pears she came back to me, handed me a second slice, and whispered, “one more for the baby.”

It was so sweet and thoughtful and I really appreciated her gesture, especially since the pears were so delicious.

9 Weeks

So, I am just about finished with my 9th week and still experiencing symptoms of pregnancy, obviously, since I am still pregnant this is a very good thing.

Physical Symptoms

I am still feeling a bit fatigued, although that seems to be dropping off a bit. For awhile there, weeks 4-7ish, I couldn’t make it through the day without a nap. Now, I can make it through easily, but I look forward to getting to bed by about 9:00pm.

The nausea also seems to be getting a bit better. Either it is getting better, or I am just getting a bit better at managing it. The biggest trick I have learned is that it is ultra-important not to let my stomach get empty. This means that I have to eat something every 1.5 to 2 hours. It seems like I am eating constantly, but it really helps. Once I have gotten hungry, it is usually too late to ward off the nausea and once the nausea has set in it is insanely difficult to get it to go away. I also wake up in the middle of the night and drink a glass of milk. This helps fill up my stomach so that I can sleep all the way through to the morning and not wake up sick as a dog.

My boobs are still huge, but they seem to have stopped growing (for now) at about a size larger than usual. They don’t hurt nearly as much as they did before, but they are still a bit tender.

I am definitely getting a bit wider around the middle. Whether this is baby, extra weight or bloating from the constipation, I can’t be quite sure, but I am definitely changing. 

I am still peeing constantly. It seems I spend more time on the toilet than off of it.

Emotional Symptoms

I feel that I am a bit more prone to teariness than usual. I have always been a bit of a crier, but I definitely cry more now than I usually did.

I am feeling very excited about this little one. I am starting to find myself imagining our life once this little person comes to join us. I am excited to meet him or her and start taking care of them. I am excited about going to the zoo together as a family and eating meals with three of us. I know these things are all far in the future, but I already find the thoughts entering my daydreams. I am really excited about parenthood.

I am also very nervous and stressed. I am still not quite sure how to deal with all this and make it all work. I am not sure how things will go with my workplace and my need to take some leave, but I am hoping it will all work out. I am worried about disappointing my co-workers and my students. I am worried about how we will work things out financially on only one income. I am worried about a lot of things, but I guess that is probably quite normal.

Pregnancy Dreams

The books warned me that this would start, and it has. I have started having weird, vivid, totally unusual dreams that stick with me long after I wake up. 

One of the most recent, and most disturbing, involved me and the baby in the hospital shortly after birth. Our baby had been taken to the nursery and I was left to rest and recover in my room. After I woke from my nap, I decided to go for a little walk to the nursery to check up on little R.

This is where the dream started to take a turn from a happy ooooh-our-baby-was-just-born dream, to a scary nightmarish type dream.

As I got closer and closer to the nursery I heard this strange grinding sound that got louder and louder as I approached. When I got to the window of the nursery, all the baby cots were empty. There wasn’t a baby or employee in sight and the grinding was still louder.

I got a little nervous about the missing babies and decided to check it out. I let myself into the nursery and walked around to the nurses room where there were rocking chairs and such. There, in the nurses room, was a giant blender (the source of the loud grinding noise) filled with this pale, chunky goo. Next to the blender was a maniacal nurse with a rolling pin, rolling out what I only assumed was the blended baby mixture from the giant blender.

I woke up in a sweat, terrified about the whole ordeal and wanted desperately to wake up my husband. I ended up not waking him up, feeling silly about disturbing him. Instead I went to the kitchen, got myself a big glass of milk (my favorite mid-sleeping snack) and made my way back to bed.

Most of my other dreams, while vivid, have been nowhere near as horrifying. I dream of my big old belly, of not being able to get up from my futon later in the pregnancy (in Japan we sleep on the floor), and of accidentally stepping on the baby when it is sleeping on the floor next to me on its own infant futon (that’s the way they do things here). My hubby has been having strange dreams as well. He recently decided that we need to reorganize the furniture and such in our bedroom because he had a dream that we had an earthquake and the printer fell on my head while I was sleeping.

I think our dreams reflect our reality. We are excited about this upcoming change, but also quite nervous about it. It is a big step, and with no real experience, we are merely assuming that we will be up to the challenge.

A Glorious Day

A glorious vomit-free day that is! Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, I seem to be on an every-other-day schedule with the vomiting. That means I have one totally crappy day and then one okay-ish day. I guess I will take it. Even though I am not vomiting daily, I do find myself making breakfast choices based upon what I wouldn’t mind throwing up later rather than what I actually want to eat.

This stage of pregnancy is just so difficult. I generally feel crappy (nauseous, fatigued, etc.) and yet there is no physical belly bump there to justify my symptoms. (I am glad to hear that by the time I have a bump, I will likely feel better though.) Even with the ultrasound picture on the bulletin board, I can’t help but feel sometimes that this is all in my head.

I feel like I am barely pregnant, just beginning my 8th week, and yet so many choices are beginning to be made. Where will we have our baby? Who do we want to be there (made more complicated by the fact that we are not living in our home country)? What kind of parents do we want to be? What sorts of medical procedures do we want done during the pregnancy? What kind of delivery do we want? How much maternity leave should I take? How can we achieve a good experience in Japan? When should we leave Japan? 

It is enough to make my head swim! And it does tend to interrupt my sleep a bit. It almost seems as though nine months isn’t nearly enough time to prepare for all the changes we are going to experience and make all the decisions that have to be made. But, since everyone else seems to manage, I am sure we will too!

First Pregnancy Book

Today I started reading my first pregnancy book, I felt that I couldn’t read them before going to the doctor as I didn’t think that it was really real. I am reading “The Pregnancy Book” by Martha and William Sears. So far I am really enjoying this book. The authors take such an uplifting approach to discussing pregnancy that it is completely reassuring. They describe pregnancy as something perfectly normal and healthy and they describe ways to cope.

One of the things that I most appreciate about this book is the way the deal with the emotional aspects of pregnancy. At the beginning of each month, before they even describe the physical changes occurring in a pregnant woman’s body, they describe the emotions that a woman might experience during that month. This part is so validating to me, and it makes everything that I am feeling seem so normal (sometimes it is easy to feel as though I am being completely irrational and unreasonable). They discuss pregnancy as a process toward becoming a parent, instead of just a random list of uncomfortable ailments. I really like that.

Today I am feeling very happy about the pregnancy. I am feeling calm and settled knowing that MB is developing normally and I feel that I can really enjoy it today. I am content knowing that now the odds are on our side and I feel as though I can relax, finally.

The authors really stress that a pregnant woman must need to create a healthy environment for the baby and this means eating well, avoiding environmental toxins (second-hand smoke and such), but also working on maintaining stress levels and a sense of well-being. After all, if stress hormones are coursing through my body they are also coursing through the babies. And no one wants that!

So, for now, I am going to keep doing what I am doing and try my best to keep my body and mind as healthy as I can. Not only will it be good for MB, but it will be good for me too!

First Ultrasound

Tears of joy were shed today. I really had no concept of the extent of my worry, until the doctor told me that my baby was ok. (I followed up with a quick, “Really?!” and she reassured me that yes, everything was fine.) I felt as though a huge weight was lifted and I couldn’t help but cry. It was just so good to hear.

The first ultrasound didn’t have much to see, just a sac and a little bitty MB. But to our relief MB was there, and the heartbeat was flickering just like it was supposed to. It measured right where it should for the dates that I had and everything seems on track. We are beyond happy and excited!

My official due date, according to this doctor, is April 2nd. March/April seem like good months to have a baby, I think. Winter is on its way out and summer is still a while away. Sounds perfect! Now I am seriously excited and I totally can’t wait! 8 months to mommyhood!!