Today I had my third, and I believe final, class at my hospital. The topic of this one was breastfeeding and it was taught by the very same midwife that introduced me to the hara-obi just a few months ago.

As soon as she walked into the room, I knew that I would be taking whatever she said with a grain of salt. I will elaborate more on this class, as well as the class on Tuesday (which included a tour of the facility) soon, but I wanted to write one of the funniest gems before I forget (which happens readily and rapidly these days).

As with the first class she taught, the first 20 minutes or so was focused on diet. Instead of what we should, and should not, eat during pregnancy, this time she focused on what we should and shouldn’t eat while breastfeeding.

Of course she reiterated her concern from last time that we avoid cold foods. After all, if we eat or drink cold things while pregnant, it will make the baby cold, the uterus being in such close proximity to the stomach and all. But if we eat or drink cold foods while we are breastfeeding, it will obviously make the milk cold which will not be to the babies liking.

Imagine for a minute what an absolute miracle it would be if this were true. The mother eats the food, the nutrients are absorbed into the bloodstream and transported to the mammary glands where the milk is produced. If, after all that, the milk was still cold it would be quite extraordinary and a power that certainly would be worth being harnessed.

In addition to eating cold foods, we must also avoid eating mochi. Mochi is a traditional Japanese food. It is a glutinous rice product, which is essentially rice that has been beaten with a hammer (usually now a large machine) until it becomes this sticky, somewhat sweet paste. She claimed that if we ate the mochi, since it is so sticky, we run the risk of having clogged breast glands, which could lead to an infection. Clearly little chunks of sticky mochi will leave my digestive system altogether and make their way to my breasts where they will cause a clog. Again, a complete and total miracle!

I’m not quite sure how this woman remains a trusted authority, but she does. Perhaps it is the fact that the Japanese are much less likely to question authority, and so she can continue on spreading such fallacies without anyone ever calling her out. But it is both frustrating and infuriating to see a woman who is so clearly misguided serving as a role model in a position of authority to future mothers. I do hope that the women with me in the class question what she says, even if they won’t do so to her face. Otherwise, I am honestly disappointed.