Monthly Archives: February 2009

First Day of Maternity Leave

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So, today is the day. The first day, for the rest of the forseeable future, that I woke up and didn’t have to go to work. In fact, I didn’t have anything on the agenda for the day. And that is part of what worries me.

As my time teaching wrapped up, I did a lot of thinking about what it is that I do now. After all, in most adult circles, the first question you are asked upon meeting someone new is, “What do you do?”

To be honest, I am a bit sad that my answer to that question has to change. For several years now, I have proudly answered that I am a teacher. Before that, graduate student. But now, I am a little more hesitant about my answer.

“I am a mom.”

Right now, obviously, I don’t even have the child to show for that statement. Instead, I am at home mothering my still unborn infant. Working hard to make sure that our home is ready and that I am ready as well.

I know I should be proud of my new role, I think it is an incredibly important one. But I am also doubting it. After all, I have heard so many people answer the question by saying, “I am just a mom.” I don’t want to feel shame for the choices our family has made. I want to proudly embrace my new identity and to make sure that I find a way to be fulfilled by it.

It’s just that, I’m not quite sure how to do that yet. For so long I have found fulfillment outside of my home, working with students and enjoying all the gratification that comes along with that. Now I feel as though I have to turn inward a bit more to find a way to feel comfortable in this new set of circumstances. I know that being a mother is important and will be challenging. But I also want to be sure that I am involved in other pursuits that fulfill and challenge me as well.

I don’t know, right now, what those other pursuits will be. I would imagine that I will begin to figure it all out with time. For now, I am just trying to enjoy the fact that I am home. I am able to slow down a bit and spend some time thinking about all the changes that our life is about to go through. I am able to prepare and ready our home for the newest addition and that I am able to enjoy some much needed (and, if I do say so myself, deserved) relaxation. I’ve been told by many mothers that it will be quite awhile before I get the opportunity to have this same kind of uninterrupted me-time. So, for now I will try to enjoy it!

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It’s me, at 33 weeks!

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A recent picture of the belly in the wild in Tokyo. This one was taken just outside the Studio Ghibli musuem with Totoro, my absolute favorite cartoon character!

Two of the more standard shots.

This is me in my work attire for the day. My shirts are definitely working a little harder than they used to these days. But I am glad that I am still fitting into all the maternity wear that I bought when we were home in September. I am amazed!

Anyways, as I continue to grow I must say that I am continually amazed and pleased with how well my body seems to be handling this pregnancy. In addition to my body handling it very well, I am also happy with how much I am enjoying my pregnant form.

Early in the pregnancy I wasn’t sure that I would like my growing abdomen, but now I really, really love it. And I know that I am really going to miss it when it is gone. While I haven’t used this pregnancy as an excuse to “eat for two” and let myself go, I have used it as a reason to love and embrace the way that I look because aside from eating right and getting the exercise that I can, there isn’t much I can do to control my changing shape.

I am finding that the pregnancy is making me much less self-conscious about the way I look. I am not so pre-occupied with the little bulge I used to have in my belly because now it is a big bulge and it is filled with a happy bouncy baby. I don’t worry so much about my chest size because I know it is growing to ready itself to feed our baby. I find that I am looking at my body in a whole new way, appreciating how hard it is working to accommodate Little R and make adjustments for once Little R arrives. It seems like everything it does has a purpose right now, it all seems so important. And I can’t hardly be upset that it is doing such a good job of hosting and preparing for our little baby.

I kind of hope that I can continue appreciating my body long after the baby arrives. It makes me feel so much better about myself to look in the mirror and grin at the big round belly that wiggles about with each little kick and punch, rather than looking at myself with my brow crinkled and critiquing each little roll or area of dimpled cellulite.

I know that my post-partum form might leave much to be desired, but I am also sure that if I am patient with myself and that I continue to eat well and live right, I can get my body back into a shape that makes me just as happy as I am now. No, I will never look anything like the slim and trim models in magazines. Let’s face it, even the models don’t look like that without a little airbrushing, but I do want to make sure that I appreciate and embrace my body for all that it is now, and in the future. I don’t want to spend my whole life wishing that I looked differently.

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There are no flaws

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Throughout my entire pregnancy, we have had one short, simple motto. The motto is, “there are no flaws in this plan.”

We use our motto whenever doubt gets the better of us and we start to worry that perhaps we’ve made a mistake. I use it when I start to doubt my ability to be a good mom or my ability to give birth naturally. We use it when I start to question whether now was the right time to start our family, whether it is really wise to do it while we are in Japan. We use it when we are faced with people who doubt us or question our decisions, relating to pregnancy or raising our future child. It is something that I have repeated to myself countless times and that Aaron has said to me just as much. Basically it is our catch-all reassurance, reminding us that we can do this, that we will do this, and that it will go just as smoothly as it ought to, regardless of how much (or little) we worry. Or how ready (or not) that we are.

Just last week we were reassured, again, that our motto is in fact correct. Despite the fact that my contract with work clearly states that my pre- and post-natal leave is unpaid, they have decided that this is unfair and unreasonable and they would like to pay me for the 14 weeks that I am given.  Now, instead of living off of just one salary as we had both expected and prepared to do, we will be living off close to two. My work will be paying me for 14 weeks at 67%.

Even though we had anticipated the loss of income, it is obvious that this is quite the generous gift that we are being given. It frees us up a little more, gives us one less thing to worry about, and the opportunity to stash even more money away in our “rainy-day” fund. (Which is otherwise known as the down-payment fund, the we are moving back to the U.S. during an economic crisis fund, the use it for what you need it fund). I can’t even begin to explain or describe how thankful I am and how genuinely surprised I am at the generosity of the Japanese. Never in America can I imagine that something like this would happen.

This unexpected turn of events has shown us once more that there are, in fact, no flaws with this plan and that everything seems to be going just our way. And to me, that’s perfect!

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About the Weight Gain

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So, as I mentioned in the previous post, the Japanese are a bit more strict about the weight that women gain during pregnancy. The recommendation here is that women gain between 8 and 10 kg (17.6 to 22.0 pounds). This recommendation is EVERYWHERE! It is repeated, again and again, at each class at my clinic. It is printed in at least three different places inside of my mothers book. And it is stated on any number of pieces of paperwork that has been given to me by my clinic. Needless to say, it seems that everyone is a little over-the-top obsessed with the whole issue.

Mainly, I find it interesting how different it is from American standards. In America it is recommended that women (who are neither over nor underweight) gain about 25-37 pounds (11-17 kg). This is quite a stark difference from the Japanese standard, and I don’t quite understand it. I mean, sure, Japanese babies tend to be a touch smaller. So, that might account for a bit of the difference, perhaps a pound or so, but there seems to be more to the story than that.

The American Pregnancy Association explains where all the weight goes when women are pregnant:

7.5 pounds (3.4 kg) – Weight of Baby
1.5 pounds (.68 kg) – Placenta
4 pounds (1.8 kg) – Increased Fluid Volume
2 pounds (.9 kg) – Weight of Uterus
2 pounds (.9 kg) – Weight of Breast Tissue
4 pounds (1.8 kg) – Increased Blood Volume
7 pounds (3.2 kg) – Maternal Fat Stores, Protein, and Other Nutrients
2 pounds (.9 kg) – Amniotic Fluid

Grand Total: 30 pounds (13.6 kg)

Now, I don’t imagine that a whole lot of this is different between Americans and Japanese. Sure, the baby might be a touch smaller. Accounting for .5 kg or so. But the rest seems like it would be pretty standard across the board, so I am not really understanding the big difference in recommendations.

I am wondering if it has more to do with this idea that women must “endure” pregnancy and childbirth here. There seems to be this general, pervasive philosophy where women must be stoic and must make many sacrifices to become mothers, perhaps this is one of them.

Secondly, I am wondering if it just has to do with the Japanese preoccupation with body image and looks, even during and immediately after pregnancy. After all, the hara-obi helps women to keep things smaller and more smoothed out. Most of the women at my classes, even though they are just as pregnant as I am look significantly less pregnant. Additionally, after delivery women are encouraged to begin wearing a girdle or a corset (the hospital even supplies them if women forget to bring one in their hospital bag) to help them return to their slim, pre-pregnant shape as quickly as possible. So, perhaps by encouraging a smaller gain during pregnancy, they are helping women to return to their normal, slim Japanese shape quickly afterwards.

All that being said, I have yet to meet a woman that has stayed within the recommended boundaries. What is sadder than that, however, is that they share this information like it is a dirty little secret. All the women in my due date month at the clinic, have already, or are well on their way, to exceeding the recommended gain. Surprisingly, I am one of the smallest gainers in the group (only one woman has gained less than me). The weird thing about this, however, is that each of the Japanese women have been lectured by the doctor and midwives at the clinic, warning them to watch themselves. One, having gained close to 12 kg (26.5 lb) already, has started a diet where she is just eating a banana for breakfast. I, on the other hand, have received no such warnings or lectures. No one has said a word to me. I’m not sure if this is because they just don’t know what to say, or if they understand that the recommendations are different in different countries.

Countless other women have come up to me to discuss my pregnancy and their own. And each one of them has reluctantly, and with shame, shared that they gained more than they were supposed to (17 kg, 15 kg, 18 kg). Once they confide their little secret, they remind me to be careful. That I must watch my weight. With a smile, I usually tell them that I am feeling great, and the baby seems healthy, so I am going to keep on keeping on.

And so I will, for at least another month or so. I’m going to keep doing the same.

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31 Weeks

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Here I am in all the glory that is 31 weeks. Bigger, rounder, but I can still fit into all my maternity pants!!! Actually, I consider this a major feat and I am quite thankful it has worked out this way since it would be a real pain in the ass to have to order more clothes from the U.S. to be shipped to me. 8 weeks or so left and I really hope this trend continues.

And this is what it looks like from my point of view. I totally can’t see my feet now, and it is almost a blessing that they got bigger. Once they got bigger and I couldn’t comfortably fit into any of my shoes I bought a pair of Crocs (I know, gasp, I should be flamed for such a fashion faux pas) and I have been happily slipping in and out of them for over a month now. Best $40 ever spent!

We had a doctors appointment today. It was brief, which is good. Everything looks good on my end. My iron levels are still good and they are actually higher than they were when I last had them tested during the first trimester. My blood pressure is looking great. I have no issues with swelling. My urinalysis has come out totally clean yet again. The ultrasound is showing a happy, healthy baby with a head that is about 8cm across. And, we are thankful, that the baby seems to have settled into a head-down position where we are hoping it stays for the duration of the pregnancy.

My weight is still below the recommended gain from the American Pregnancy Association (11-17 kg=25-37 pounds), but I am closing in on the recommended Japanese maximum (10 kg=22 pounds). I will write, another day, about how I think the Japanese recommendations are complete and total myth and how I don’t think a single Japanese woman actually stays within them, as every woman I have talked to here has told me her shocking secret that GASP she gained more than 10kg, including every single woman at my clinic due in the same month as me.

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