Now that Ewan is getting a bit older and a bit more organized he is able to spend (and enjoy) a little more time on his own, exploring his body and playing around. As a result I get to set him down while I do any number of things on my own. Going to the bathroom alone is nice. It was always challenging to go one-handed and always a bit awkward to go with him while he was in the sling or carrier. So it is a refreshing change of pace to be able to set him down during the majority of my bathroom runs these days.
Another big bonus is being able to make lunch on my own with him playing nearby. It isn’t like I entirely abandon him, I just set him down nearby on the floor and talk and chat at him while he plays around. It’s nice to have two hands even if I am just reheating some pasta.
Anyways, yesterday he was lying around and kicking away while I made my spaghetti for lunch. Once it was finished and ready to eat, I went and had a seat next to him. I flipped him over to his stomach for some tummy time and started to eat. I was talking and playing with him in between bites of pasta. It was fun.
Then, I looked away for a moment to gather another bite and when I looked up my little babe wasn’t on his tummy anymore. He was on his back.
Now, I might have doubted that I had ever put him on his tummy to begin with (especially in my sleep deprived state that day . . . it was a marathon nursing night the night before) except his expression gave it away. It was the first time that he had rolled over and he was as shocked as I was. Shock was quickly replaced by fear and he started to cry.
I scooped him up and told him how cool he was. Then, once he was settled I put him back on his tummy, hoping that I’d get a repeat performance. And, just like with the smiles, there wasn’t a chance that he was going to show me his tricks on cue. He definitely does things when and how he wants to.
But, luckily, later that night he did show Aaron his new trick. It was good to know that it wasn’t a fluke and that our boy can definitely roll from tummy to back now. Way to go Ewan!
The smiles are coming more and more frequently now, but they are still definitely secret. We try, almost every day to capture them, but can’t get a good picture. They are either out of focus, a little too late, poorly lit, or poorly set-up. Anyways, thought you should see some of the outtakes to realize that we are trying. Someday we will have a good smiley baby photo for you. I promise!
Years ago I got this t-shirt. It’s simple, it just says “Bed and Breakfast” with a picture of a sleeping bag and a campfire. I got it back when we were doing a lot of camping and backpacking and it has always brought a smile to my face.
It wasn’t until I was wearing the t-shirt and feeding my son that I realized it has a whole new meaning. I am the bed and breakfast now.
There’s a picture after the jump. Please don’t click if you don’t want to see a picture of me feeding my son.
Whenever we can, we like to give Ewan tummy time. Sometimes this is once a day, sometimes it is more. For the most part he enjoys it, although towards the end he always gets a bit frustrated (it is quite hard work for him) and needs to be rescued.
In the past two months he has gotten so much stronger. Before he could maybe turn his head once during a tummy time session and it almost seemed as though it happened by accident. Now he can lift his head and move it from side-to-side countless times.
Last time we went to the doctor I was a bit frustrated by her wanting to fit Ewan into a box. She was very focused on what the “average” was and a little worried that Ewan was below it. Now, if you think about this clearly, if it is an average, surely there has to be some babies above it and below it. They aren’t all going to go right along that middle line.
Well, it turns out that after more than a month working her new job, the doctor has come to realize this as well. Despite the fact that Ewan is gaining at almost exactly the same rate as he was last time, about 22 grams per day, she wasn’t the least bit concerned. He is genki (Japanese for energetic), he is developing well, so there was no reason to be concerned.
Anyways, let’s do a little comparing again.
At birth Ewan weighed 2,960 grams, last month he was 3,370 grams, now he is 4,240 grams.
At birth Ewan was 47 cm tall, last month he was 52.3 cm tall, now he is 57.7 cm tall.
At birth Ewan’s head was 32.5 cm, last month it was 36.5 cm, now it is 39.0 cm.
At birth Ewan’s chest was 32 cm, last month it was 34 cm, now it is 38.8 cm.
With weight gain, he is still on the low end of normal (according to the World Health Organization). He is gaining about 22 grams per day, for a total of about 154 grams per week. Average is 155 to 241 grams per week.
In terms of height, he is still growing a lot faster than normal. The average growth is about 2.5 cm per month, whereas Ewan grew more than 5 cm two months in a row. He is now 10 cm taller than he was when he was born. Wonder if this rate will continue??
The head growth is usually about 1.27 cm per month in the first six months, Ewan’s head increased by 2 cm this month. Pretty good and normal.
All in all we are pleased. Despite our early struggles, we seem to be right on track. The doctor thought that he is already in line with most babies born at the same time as him, which is great!
One of my co-workers daughters had the same due date as me. I delivered a month early, she delivered within 2 days of her due date, and now both of our babies are almost the exact same size. I suspect that our super-huge foreigner baby will quickly surpass her petite Japanese babe, but only time will tell.
It happened. We finally did it. We talked to friends, un-married child-less friends, about out kids poo. I can’t believe it.
I knew this was going to happen, after all when we were married but child-less we were forced to sit through any number of discussions by friends and family that had children about the bowel habits of their young ones. I never understood what made pooing such an interesting topic to parents (aside from some of the inevitable funny moments like one of my nieces going white-knuckled at the Thanksgiving table as she strained to poo while the entire family looked on and laughed) and such a compelling topic to share with others. That is, until I had a babe of my own.
With babies there are very few indicators of health and well-being on which new parents can monitor their little ones. There is the babies general health and apparent condition, their weight gain and growth, their urinary habits (which indicate that the babe is hydrated), and their bowel movements (indicating that they are getting enough milk and that they aren’t constipated or otherwise unwell).
Any change at all in any of these indicators is enough to send me to the bookshelf with all the baby books on it and the internet, scouring to find information on whether my child is “normal.” So, imagine my surprise and concern when Ewan’s bowel habits made a sudden change. Near the beginning of the month Ewan changed from pooing several times daily to a much less frequent schedule. He took a 4 day hiatus.
I dug for information on this phenomenon. Was he plugged up? Was there an obstruction? What was happening to my babe, who seemed totally unfazed and content with his lack of poo?
All the sources told me that for exclusively breastfed babies this is totally normal. Some babies even go a week or more between bowel movements. It is believed that breastmilk is so easy for babies to digest that there isn’t always much leftover to void. Additionally, after the first six weeks or so a mothers milk matures, the colostrum (the early milk with a laxative quality) leaves the system and bowel habits often change.
After more than 4 days without a bowel movement, we decided to help our baby remedy the situation (even though he wasn’t in any apparent discomfort). We pulled out the rectal thermometer and lo and behold it worked like a charm!
After that it was another six days before his next very very tiny movement, all the while I am again scouring the internet and calling other parents to reassure myself that this is normal and that my smiling, cooing babe is ok.
Four days later (almost ten days since his last substantial bm) the proverbial flood gates opened. Changing the two poopy diapers that day required four hands. It is lucky that it happened on the weekend, I’m not sure that I would have been able to handle it myself.
Now he is most certainly all cleared out and I am left to wonder, when will the gates open again?
The past two days we have gotten Ewan’s first smiles. These aren’t sleepy smiles or hopeful parent smiles. These are his first, honest-to-god, smiles. Usually in response to us tickling his chin or doing something else that he likes.
But for now, they are secret smiles. (Whenever he does it we sing the song “Secret Smile” by Semisonic, with some ad-libbed lyrics to make the song accurately apply to our situation.) Each time we try to capture them with the camera, they disappear. They are fleeting and right now, they are just for us.
Such a pleasant reward after two months of parenting. I can’t wait to see them again, and hopefully soon, share them with you.
This weekend, in honor of my birthday and my in-laws visit to Japan, we made a little trip to my favorite ryokan, Soene.
We went to Soene, for the first time, a week after our anniversary last year. As it turns out, Ewan was just a little blastocyst at that point. We knew it was possible that he was there, but we were still more than a week away from getting the positive test.
I loved being there so much the first time. It is a beautiful Japanese inn, nestled into the mountains, in the middle of a very active hot spring area. The inn has three different baths for guests to use. Two are public (separated by gender) and three are private (for couples and families to use together). Last time we were there I didn’t have a chance to use the big public bath, so it was high on my list of priorities for this return trip.
I nursed Ewan and knew that was my chance. I handed him over to Aaron knowing that I had a good hour or so to go relax on my own. The first real chance to relax since Ewan came, actually. It was much deserved and anticipated. I had been looking forward to our trip and dancing each time I thought about it all week.
I went into the bath, happy to find that I was alone. I am not shy and don’t mind soaking with others around, but I knew it would be even more relaxing if I was by myself. The bath was surrounded on three sides by a natural wood and it was covered from the sun by the same. On the side that was open there was a forest, view of the mountains, and a river crashing by.
The smell of fresh forest air, the sound of rushing water, and soaking in a hot bath put me into a state where I could feel all the muscles in my body relax. All the stress melt away. I closed my eyes and started reflecting on all that had happened since the last time we were there.
I remembered the Japanese breakfast they served and how it made my stomach turn. The first real sign we had that something might be going on.
I thought about the pregnancy and how much I enjoyed that special time with Ewan. The time when he was mine and I was his. The time when I didn’t have to share him with anyone.
I thought about my baby and how glad I am that he is here. How much joy he has brought to my life already and how difficult it is, even after just two short months, to imagine my life without him.
And then I opened my eyes, looked down at the calm pool of water that had helped me to relax in a way that I haven’t been for many months, only to find that the water was no longer clear. Instead, around my breasts were large clouds. I leaked! In the onsen!
I was horrified, but then again it could have been much worse. At least I was alone.
I spent a minute or so swimming and kicking around in the water to help the milk dissipate. By the time I left, I don’t think that there was any evidence I left behind. It is likely that none of the other guests will ever know my secret about that bath, but I will never forget.
In the evening on Mother’s Day, my first Mother’s Day, Aaron and I went for a walk with Ewan and I had a chance to reflect on some of the things that I’ve liked about being a mom and some of the things that I haven’t liked. I figure it is good to think about both, both to remind myself how amazingly wonderful this journey is and to troubleshoot those areas that aren’t going quite as smoothly as I would like.
So anyways, here are the things I thought about.
Things I Like:
- I love snuggling with him. He is just so warm and cozy that I can’t imagine a better feeling in this world than when his little body melts into mind and he is so relaxed, as if there isn’t a single place on Earth that he would rather be. I also like that when he is snuggled and relaxed with me or on me, it helps to make my own worries and cares melt away. It is hard to be worried or nervous when there is a calm, peaceful baby resting in your arms.
- I love being a family. Aaron and I have been married for almost six years, together for almost ten. I have always felt a strong connection to him and a solid partnership with him, but I never really thought of us, alone, as a family. As soon as Ewan was born that changed. Now, forever, we will have this incredible little person that completes us, that keeps us forever connected to one another. Now, with Ewan in tow, I feel even more strongly about how important our little family is and how excited I am to start creating traditions together.
- Each day is brand new. I love the way that Ewan wakes up in the morning, bright, cheerful, ready to take anything on. It doesn’t matter how good, or bad, the previous day was, he greets each new day as if it is both the first and the last. He doesn’t hold grudges, he just starts fresh. I like his spirit and I am trying to incorporate it into my own.
- I love sleeping with Ewan and Aaron. I love waking up in the morning with my two favorite people close-by. I love being able to wake up in the middle of the night and reach out to comfort my son as he stirs, but doesn’t quite wake. I love that I woke up on Mother’s Day, about 15 minutes after my son and my husband had woken up, and they were both staring at me and Aaron wished me a happy mother’s day. I wouldn’t trade this time, a time when we all sleep together, for anything.
- I love Ewan’s look of gratitude before nursing. As I take him into my arms, ready to cradle him at my breast, he looks up at me with these bright wide eyes, with an expression that, to me, says, “Thank you, Mama. Thank you so much.”
Things I Don’t Like (that’s actually a bit strong, but I can’t think of a better way to say it):
- I miss teaching. Fortunately this will be relieved, somewhat, when I start again tomorrow. Mostly I miss the satisfaction that comes from doing something well. I feel like I am a good teacher, the job comes easily to me, and I really like working with other teachers and students. Being a mother, on the other hand, is something that I don’t feel quite so proficient at yet. I question myself, a lot, and I question my abilities as a mother. I worry that I am not doing everything right, that I am missing things, but I think that is typical. I know that will resolve itself, somewhat, as time goes on, my confidence increases, and my comfort with being a mom grows. But, for now, I know it is important for me to continue looking for ways to connect with other adults and to continue setting goals and find ways for me that will bring me the satisfaction and joy that I got from teaching.
- I miss never being alone, or never being alone with my husband. As much as I said above that I love sleeping with my husband and son, I also miss being alone with my husband, just as a couple. I know that this is a season of life, one that will be short-lived in retrospect, but this infancy stage is so intense and demanding, especially doing it the way that feels best to us, that it leaves little time for being alone or being together as a couple. We are still adjusting, and it is getting easier, but I still long for a little solitude or couple-time now and then.
- I don’t like the amount of preparation it takes to leave the house. We travel light, it’s true, and we have one of the smallest diaper bags possible, but it still takes more prep work to leave with a baby that when we were flying solo. How many diapers do we need? Do we need a change of clothes? Do we have snacks packed for the nursing mom? What about water? Where will I nurse? Does the destination have a changing facility? What carrier should we bring? All these questions, and more, are constantly flying through my head and it is enough to make me never want to leave sometimes, just to avoid the trouble. I know that this will get easier with time, but for now it is enough to make me crazy.
So, yeah, that’s it for now. Fortunately, I find that there are always more things that I like than things I don’t like. I think that means that I am working into my role as a mother, and will continue to grow into it with time. I hope that this time next year, I will have even more things to say about being a mom and even more things that I like. If I do, I will consider myself one lucky Mama.
This past Wednesday was my first night out, all alone. It was only for two hours to go into Gifu to meet my knitting buddies for our knit night.
It came as no surprise to me that this was as difficult as it was. It was, after all, the first time since Ewan was in the NICU that I had been separated from him, aside from one or two walks out alone with Papa.
Long before Ewan was born, Aaron and I began talking about the way we wanted to parent. We had a lot of ideas about what kind of parents we wanted to be, what kind of child we wanted to raise, and what we wanted our family to look like. I read a lot of books, not only about pregnancy and birth, but also about parenting. We ended up finding that we were most closely aligned with the Attachment Parenting style.
This style encourages parents to create a strong and secure bond with each other and with the baby. The way this bond is fostered can vary from family to family, but in our family some of the primary ways that we foster this bond have been breastfeeding, babywearing, responding quickly and consistently to his cries, and sharing sleep.
These are the things that we imagined ourselves doing before the baby was born, except for sharing sleep, but they became even more important after his time in the NICU. We were both so hurt and frustrated with the separation, so worried about our bond with Ewan and Ewan’s bond with us, that we knew we had to work hard to make up for the lost time. We had to work hard to teach Ewan that he could depend on us to meet his physical needs, that his cries would get answered quickly (something that didn’t always happen in the NICU), and that he would get the love and support that he needed to grow.
In addition, as parents we needed to be close to him to help heal the wounds, pain and disconnect that we felt after being separated for so long, after not holding our baby for over a week after birth. I, specifically, needed his closeness to help my body start producing the milk that I so desperately wanted to give to him. The attachment parenting style has helped us to meet our needs and his simultaneously.
Since the moment we have brought him home he has been in our arms, a sling, our lying next to or on us almost continuously. Initially we didn’t plan to have him share sleep with us, we only knew that we wanted to share a room. Ewan’s need for closeness, and warmth (especially in our cool Japanese apartment), and our needs for sleep ended up winning out and Ewan quickly joined us. Ever since, all three of us have gotten good sleep and woken up well-rested virtually every day.
He has taken a handful of naps independently and he is getting accustomed to lying next to us, without physical contact, at night. But for the most part he feels most calm and secure when he is physically connected to one of us. He is the first-born which means that our attention isn’t split between children, we are able and willing to give him all this attention.
But, to be perfectly honest all this does make it a bit difficult to leave. All this attention and holding means that the bond is strong, very strong, and I worry about him if I am not here. I worry when I leave. Also, I am the sole food source at the moment, yes I do have breastmilk stored in the freezer just in case, but I worked so hard to get feeding established and move my boy away from the bottle that we had to use in the hospital, that it is a little painful to go back to it.
I know it is healthy and good for us to have our time apart. I know that it is important for me to continue my life and doing things that make me happy and fulfilled, but for right now, the thing that makes me happiest is being with my husband and my son. I feel so fulfilled to be an essential, non-disposable, member of this family of three and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
