hoping – that even though it is ugly, it will always have a place in our home.
using – a new calendar. Despite the chaos in my life right now, it is amazing how something as simple as a 500 yen calendar can make me feel as though I am in control of my life.
smelling – the hydrangeas. They are everywhere and I can’t stop and admire each one that I pass.
eating – nutella. How is it that I didn’t discover this amazing hazelnut and chocolate spread until now?! It is perfect on everything, but I especially like it on apple slices.
watching – Ewan discover toys.
brainstorming – about a top-secret project that is really inspiring me right now.
Before I start talking about what all went into our decision to share sleep with our babe, I want to clarify a few things. First of all, in my previous post I continually refer to what we do as co-sleeping. And as I did a bit more reading the past few days I realize that I was, partially, in error.
Co-sleeping refers to those families that choose to sleep in proximity to their child. This could mean having the child sleep in a crib in the same room, a side car, a close-by bassinet, a futon on the floor. All of these options fall under the umbrella term of co-sleeping. And, given this definition, co-sleeping is something that we always intended to do.
Bed sharing on the other hand, what we are currently doing, was never in the initial plan. Bed sharing is a subset of co-sleeping and refers to those families that choose to share their actual physical sleeping space with their child. While co-sleeping was always in the plan, bed sharing certainly was not. Our home here in Japan was equipped with a baby futon ready for Ewan to sleep on. On our list of items we needed when we returned to America, a crib featured prominently. If we have learned anything in the past three months as parents, we have learned that it is important to have plans and ideas about how you want to raise your child, but that it is also important not to be so rigid in those ideas or ways that you aren’t able to adapt when a change is needed.
Parenting is filled with choices. It seems that everyday brings a new decision, some big and some small. While I am not convinced that any of these decisions, independently, are earth-shattering. They do, as a whole, shape who we are as parents, and what kind of an upbringing our child will have. I believe this is true even at the very young age at which Ewan is right now.
As a classroom teacher, it was always said that the first few weeks were the most important. This is when you established the tone and routines for the classroom. Many educators believe that if the teacher doesn’t do well during those first few weeks to create a good learning environment and establish good behavior management, it will be difficult to recover during the remainder of the year. While hope need not be lost if those first few weeks don’t go well, the teacher will have to work much harder over the course of the school year to make up for the bad start.
I believe the same is true of parenting. It is in the first few months that we establish what kind of parents we are going to be and what kind of relationship we are going to have with our son. As with teaching, I don’t believe that there is a tipping point. Nor do I believe that things are not malleable, open to change and evolution as a family and child changes and evolves. However, just like in the classroom, I do think it is in the early weeks and months that we make the choices that makes the most impact, that establishes the tone, and lays the groundwork for the years to come.
When I started this blog it was meant to be a pregnancy blog, hence the name born in japan. I intended to write about the pregnancy and the few months that followed. It was a way for me to log my thoughts, feelings and experiences for my own purposes, as well as to share with distant, interested, friends and family.
Now the pregnancy is over, obviously, but the blog still lives on. So it seemed necessary to give it a bit of a facelift (I hope you like it!) and think a little bit about how I intend to use this space in the future.
It’s the little things really. If you can’t take a moment to pause, applaud and celebrate a little babe mastering a new skill, what can you celebrate?
As I mentioned a few weeks ago, Ewan started rolling over from front to back. For the past few weeks he has been pretty shy with his new skill. Giving it a try one day and then avoiding it for nearly a week.
Today he finally seemed to realize that he could avoid Tummy Time entirely if he just kept rolling over. So, that’s what he did. And this time we were lucky enough to catch it on video so that you all could see it too.
So, take a moment, sit back and celebrate with us.
I have always been a knitter, for the past nine years or so, preferring to keep my hands busy during idle moments. It is rare that you will see me sitting for more than a moment or two before I pick up my sticks and string. Truth be told, I get a little antsy when I am just sitting. Not always antsy enough that I want to get up and do something, but enough to make me want to busy my hands.
While pregnant with Ewan, my life slowed down a lot, I found myself doing a lot more sitting and, therefore, a lot more knitting. My mind was often tired, so I never managed to work on anything too complex, but my needles did keep working. Over the nine months I managed to create a great number of scarves, which have mostly been gifted, hats, and a few little things for the babe.
Not knowing whether my bump was going to be a boy or a girl, I tended to work with yarn that I happened to have sitting around. Some of which was yarn that I spun. I figured that I could knit it up and if need be, give the item away if it turned out not to suit the little one once it arrived.
This sweater is one of the things that I made with handspun yarn while waiting for our little one to arrive.
Especially with the Hello Kitty buttons, this sweater is not going to work for our little boy. So, now I am just waiting, patiently, for someone to produce a girl that I can gift it to. Unless, of course, we decide to hold onto it for a future sibling….
So, the one and only sweater that I managed to make during my pregnancy was no good. Luckily Ewan was gifted with one.
This is one that my Mom, Sue, made for Ewan. I was shocked that it was the same style that I had chosen to make, but in a much more appropriate color palette.
Not so long ago, President Obama completed his first 100 days in office. The media had a field day, with everyone eager to assess and reflect on the beginning of his term. This year I noticed that most major news outlets had decided to give a letter grade to sum up how well they thought it was going.
Since yesterday marked the end of our first 100 days with Ewan, I thought it would be sort of fun to reflect and assess the beginning of our lives with him.
Just like the major news sources, I guess I’ll start with a letter grade and then flesh it out with some analysis.
In my gradebook, our first 100 days with Ewan would definitely get a B+. Here’s why.
So far, I think we have done a really good job at getting to know him and becoming attached. It is clear that there is no single place in the world that makes him feel happier than in one of our arms. We don’t have or use many toys around the house, some of this is out of necessity some out of choice, but it is obvious that we are his favorite playthings. He loves to interact with us and seems to genuinely enjoy our company. This gives me great joy and assures me that already we are setting the stage for our future as a family. Hoping that he always values people over things.
We are learning more about him each and every day and I think that is really important. Most of the time we can tell the differences between his cries. We know the hungry cry, the I want to be held cry, the I’m uncomfortable cry, and the I’m struggling to go to sleep cry. Knowing the difference between his cries has made parenting so much easier. When confronted with a crying baby, it is easier now for us to do the one thing that will help make his world right, rather than rolling through the whole list of possibilities each time.
In addition,we are starting to learn how to make him smile as well. He really likes getting tickles on his cheeks and toes. He now has an inflatable beach ball and he really enjoys rolling on it. He likes it when we sing made up songs to him.
Aside from learning more about who Ewan is each day, we are also settling in as a family and starting to find ways not only to meet Ewan’s needs but also meet some of our own as well. I have found ways and time to wedge in some of the creative endeavors that are oh so important to me. Aaron and I are beginning to find time to do some of the things we enjoy doing together, including playing a few board games and reading out loud to each other. The household chores and tasks, including cooking for ourselves, are getting done most days without too much of a struggle. After 100 days it seems that we have found some sort of flow in our family life. That flow is serving to keep us all happy and satisfied, at least most of the time.
With all this goodness, it seems curious that I didn’t give us an A. But I still think we have a ways to go.
We still haven’t quite figured out a bedtime routine that works for all of us. For the first couple of months we were happy to all just go to bed as a family. Usually we were just as exhausted as Ewan and ready for some shut-eye. Now that things are going more smoothly we would like for Ewan to go to bed a bit earlier than the two of us so that we can have a little bit of adult time. We have tried a variety of things with him and can’t seem to hit on the magic combination. We are only successful at getting him down to sleep, on his own, about two times a week at the moment. Obviously we want this to get better and so it is something we will continue to work on.
Also, I still find that I struggle to figure out what to do with him when he is awake. We do tummy time, we roll on the ball, we read a few books, we play hand games, we dance, we coo and talk. But sometimes I just run out of ideas and he just sits on my lap while I read or do laundry or something else. Sometimes I feel guilty about not interacting with him directly when he is awake. I’m not sure that it is reasonable to expect that we would be interacting with him directly during all of his waking times, but I still feel weird when I don’t.
Well, that just about sums up our first 100 days. Mostly it is going great. I have been amazed at how seamlessly he has fit into our lives and how, now, I simply can’t imagine life without him. As one of my good friends said, “isn’t it cool what you made with stuff you just had sitting around the house?” Cool, indeed.
